"Get your hand out of your pants."

Yes. I said that today. Aye aye aye. One of those weeks. Today was a loosing battle. More so after lunch. Why? I blame the weather...that seems reasonable. Some days as I teacher I feel like the most important and best person in the world ("I taught you how to do that!!! You'll do that for the REST of your life!") and some days I feel no more than a glorified babysitter ("Okay EVERY table group just lost a table point!"). I try to have more days like the first one...most of the time I do. Not today.

At least they've been especially hilarious this week. That's been somewhat redeeming. Quoting random youtube videos...using vocabulary words in sentences about their future husbands...making up dumb songs...trying to guess how old the librarian is (she's not old at all by the way..)

Even still-

Three day weekend? Yes please.

I saw this on Danielle's blog- she teaches 4th grade at my school. It's from a book called 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny by Phillip Done. I so get this.


"I take slivers out of fingers and bad sports out of 'steal the bacon.' I know when a child has gum in his mouth even when he is not chewing. I hand over scissors with the handles up. My copies of The Velveteen Rabbit and Treasure Island are falling apart. I can listen to one child talk about his birthday party and another talk about her sleepover and another talk about getting his stomach pumped last night-- all at the same time.

I fix staplers that won't staple and zippers that won't zip. I poke pins in the orange cap of glue bottles that will not pour. I plan lessons while showering, driving, eating, and sleeping. I put on Band-Aids and winter coats and school plays. I know they will not understand the difference between your and you're. I say "cover your mouth," after they have coughed on me.

I am a teacher.

I spend Thanksgiving vacation writing report cards, Christmas vacation cleaning my classroom, and summer vacation taking classes on how to relax. I turn jump ropes and am base in tag.

I am glad you can only get chicken pox once.

I correct pencil grips and spelling mistakes and bad manners. I push in chairs all the way, push swings higher, and push sleeves up while children are painting.

I'm allowed to touch the paper cutter.

I say, "Use two hands!" when they carry their lunch trays. I say, "Accidents happen," after they did not use two hands. I answer to both "Mom" and "Dad."

I am a teacher.

I hope April Fool's Day is on Saturday. I leave "shuger" and "vilets" mispelled on their valentines. I know all my continents and all my oceans. I tape pages back into books. I call on children whose hands are not raised.

I collect milk boxes and coffee cans and egg cartons. I know all my times tables. I can type without looking. I know that two pretzels do not equal one Hershey kiss.

I fix watchbands, repair eyeglasses, and search for lost milk money after freeze tag. I know when their fists will make a rock and when they will make scissors.

I know when a child does not understand. I know when a child is not telling the truth. I know when a child was up too late last night. I know when a child needs help finding a friend.

I am a teacher."

*Sigh. That's the introduction. I think I need to read this book.

I'm sorry, I can't afford a Ferrari

18 weeks (and a couple days). 18 weeks ago I could fit into my jeans...my skinny jeans...now my fat jeans (jeans that were like 2 sizes too big and I hardly ever wore because of it) are a bit snug. YIKES! Which makes me wonder...why do I own jeans that are 2 sizes too big? I must not have too much faith in my ability to refrain from ice cream. That's embarrassing.

Not the best angle. Not the best picture. This might be a developing trend for a while.

Speaking of being "with child" ..hmm..like 3 things came to mind just then. Calls for some bullet-ing.

• I get annoyed by pregnant people who talk about being pregnant ALL the time. So I promise whenever I talk about it, I'll be straight. No sugar coating. Sugar coating is boring.
  
• My Mom got mad at me for posting on facebook that I could feel her start to move. Haha. Love you Mommers!
  
• Why do they always compare your fetus to some type of produce? Seriously. "This week your baby is the size of a raisin." "This week your baby is the size of an apricot!" ...I'm sorry...is an apricot a common enough fruit that we all know roughly what size it is? "This week your baby is the size of an apple!" Great. They're slowly taking away foods I feel comfortable eating. I can't bite into my cold and crunchy apple while thinking-wow- my baby is the same size as this! Then I just picture eating my baby. And that's just nasty. So I would appreciate some different form of comparison please.
  
  

OH MAN! Best news EVER. I saw a commercial for this stuff.
Apparently it's dry shampoo that tricks your hair into thinking it's been washed. It's like a spray that is supposed to absorb the oil or something, which means you don't have to wash your hair as much. And we all know, it's not the washing that's the problem. It's all the work that comes AFTER that...blow drying...styling...eghick. How many times a week do you think I can get away with just using this stuff instead of actually washing my hair? :-)
In other news. This week has been eternal. I think it was because Valentine's Day was on a Monday, which meant we started off the school week with a party. Bad idea. Every morning I almost over sleep because my brain is convinced it should be Saturday. Plus we have these AMAZING sheets on our bed right now- I'm not sure what they're even made out of, some cotton blend probably- but they're SO soft and SO warm and make it nearly impossible to get out of bed. I dunno when people starting using bed sheets, or if that's just one of those things that's been around forever, but it was a fabulous idea.

Alright. Let's just make it to Friday. Three day weekend haleluuuuuujah. In the mean time, I'll keep listening to this song over and over...it might be my new fav.

Black Betty

I think I'm developing an emotional attachment to my car. This makes me think two things. 1. I am crazy. 2. I am most definitely prego. But seriously. I went to get it washed today (the darn thing doesn't stay clean for more than 2 days) and started thinking about everything that has happened in, around, or because of that thing. So. Some random facts/memories about my car:


-It wasn't my first. That tribute goes to the Shan Van. It's the second. Started driving it when my Mom got a new car.

-I got pulled over 4 times in that car. Resulted in one $250 speeding ticket. Hey, that's pretty good odds.

-One time I hit a buzzard. Let me rephrase. The vulture (practically a vulture) flew into my car at 65 mph. Resulting in a cracked rain guard on my left window and a knocked off side mirror. Needless to say I reran over the bird just to make sure it was dead.

-The right headlight is clear and shiny and the left is cloudy and old (previous car accident, and only car accident for that matter).

-Lots of girl talk and boy hating has taken place in that car.

-There's a fig newton under one of the seats that I just can't reach. It's "best buy" date I'm sure is long gone.

-All my CD's from high school are still under the seat.

-For our first Valentine's Day when James and I were dating we put the backseats down and watched a movie on my laptop in the back with a fort of blankets. Awesome.

-It has 158,000 miles on it. I'm takin' it to 250,000. Yeeahhh buddy.

-Many a trip to the beach have been taken in that car.

-Cruising with my college roomies thinking we were ssoooo cool.

-I've driven it in about 20 states.

-It currently has three different airfreshners hanging from the rear view- a Hawaiian lei, a turtle, and a pine tree, none of which have any smell left.

-It's been saran wrapped. More than once.

-There's a pair of flip flops under the passenger seat. Never know when you might need your flops. Well..not so much this time in Utah, but now it's habit.

Yup. I'm a fan of my car.

Oh, and it isn't called Black Betty. It doesn't have a name. It also isn't black. But I love that song.

Whoa, oh, oh, she's a lady

So if you've never taken a gander at etsy.com 1) you're welcome and 2) how's your checking account? Because if I keep finding stuff as adorable as this...

mine is in for a beating. :) Those were ordered today because oh, IT'S A GIRL!

Quite funny actually. So this whole time everybody has been pretty convinced it would be a he. I even started believing it. I told James that I wouldn't be surprised if it was a boy, but I would be surprised if it was a girl, not to say I thought I was convinced it was a boy. ...following?

So we go to the doctor yesterday to find out. First of all it was crazy COOL to see how much bigger it had gotten since the little bean sprout it started out as. It has a brain...it has a spine...it MOVES! Annnnddd it also took about 30 minutes to get a solid "crotch shot" because it's...I guess I should start referring to "it" as "she"...HER legs were not only crossed, but they were pulled up by her belly AND the cord was between her knobby little knees. ...Naughty child. So after much poking, jiggling, rolling, etc. There it was...well, there it was NOT. I believe it went like this:

Jay the tech: "See that line there, and that line there, and that slit there?"
Me: "Yeah?" ...thinking...are we still looking at the butt? I thought that was the head...
Jay the tech: "Those are the labia"
Me: "Labia...that's....those are girl parts...it's a girl!!!"
Jay the tech: "Yeah boys so don't have those. Plus if it's a boy, it's one sad little boy."

Anyway. We were pretty shocked. I think it took a little while to sink in with James, but we're totally stoked. I had to go buy a few outfits today just to celebrate finding out. Aaahh let the shopping begin. Baby clothes are way more fun to buy than clothes for yourself, because they're like teeny tiny.

I'll put up ultra sound pics as soon as I get enough motivation/energy to scan them. But that's all the way downstairs and requires using James MASSIVE monitor. Seriously, it's like huge and compared to the MacBook it's like watching an IMAX.

Nouveau! Is that french? Definitely not Spanish.

Since when do they put things in French on boxes and not Spanish? In the same size as the English even! Either way...

These thingers are amaza-zing and have changed my life. Sometimes I just stick them up my nose and leave them there for a solid 30 seconds. It's like your nostrils are going skiing in the Alps. Fantastic.

Not so fantastic: sore throat, headache, congested and not being able to take jack crap for it. I just want some Nyquil soooooo baaaaaddddd. Will it really give my kid brain damage? Blegh. I had to check three times to see what day is was today. Somehow I just wasn't buyin' Wednesday. Probably best I don't take the Nyquil then.

This weekend (if I survive until then) should be fun. Interesting to say the least. I'm giving my living room a makeover and attempting to make some curtains. Like, make them. With a sewing machine. ehow.com knows everything. Which is convenient because every button I've ever sewed on has fallen off two weeks later. I'm just worried about sewing in a straight line mostly. How are you supposed to tell when you're sewing something as long as a curtain panel? Maybe I should just pay somebody to do. ...I get that trait from my father.

Anyway. Daytime TV sucks. Nap time.

James' Addiction

The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. James has a problem. A coke problem (the liquid beverage kind, not the powdery white stuff that can get you arrested). I got him this homemade soda making machine thing for Christmas, so I guess you could say I'm an enabler. But seriously, we might need to have an intervention. Anyone want to be his sponsor?

Oh and why is he smiling? He's watching his favorite clips from Despicable Me. haha. Like this one.

Jellyfish, Weddin' Pie and ...Stretch Marks?

If I wasn't such a procrastinator, these would have all been separate posts...but since it's useless wishing for the impossible, you get what you get- another hodge podge of random crap that happens to me.

Random crap 1: The aquarium.

Not just any aquarium...THE Living Planet Aquarium. Which I'm pretty sure was converted into said aquarium from a Shop-ko. Complete with a mechanic shop in the same parking lot (getting a visual yet?) The commercials looked way cooler. Anyway, it was cool/gross to see some of the things they had there. AND I got to touch a stingray. It almost ate my hand, but it's all good.

I guess when you grow up in Florida with half this stuff in your backyard or within an hour away (not to mention home of some of the best aquarium's in the country), this one was just "meh". I guess not bad for Utah. Spoiled, I know.

Random crap 2: A wedding

Jon and Sarah got married! Finally ;-)

It was nice and it gave me a much needed day off school (bonus!). It really made me wish I was getting married again and going on a week long honeymoon right about now!!

They also had wedding pie instead of wedding cake. They're pie people. They were also really nice when they did the whole feeding to each other thing.

...were we nice?....

no. (-:

Final random crap (#3 if you're counting): Stretch marks.

Aye aye aye. They've started. Because my gut is starting to look less and less like a food baby, and more like a real baby. Unfortunately, most creams and lotions don't really "work" (from what I've read anyway), but you better believe I still lather it up every day. Here's the thing that gets me...THEY FREAKIN' ITCH. Who knew? Not me. I feel like a monkey having to scratch so often.

I have a feeling I'm in for a lot more pregnancy "surprises" along the way.

Pajamas and Autism

Happy Pajama Day!

Has there ever been a more FABULOUS idea than to let EVERYONE at school wear their pajamas for a day?! I think not. Please not the boy behind Maren and I (who look ridiculously large in this picture...we're not really that plump...angle of the camera?...*puts down the cookie) in his snuggie. Snuggies are the best thing since sliced bread. That is not even an exaggeration.

One of the best parts of this day was the fact that 45 principals from around the state of Utah came to our school to all watch us teach a math lesson (apparently the way we teach math is revolutionary...that was not sarcastic. It's pretty kick butt awesome). So I had three principals in my class watching and yes, we're all in pajamas. It was grand.

What else is grand? A FOUR day weekend!! No school Monday and Jon and Sarah's wedding on Tuesday. At first I thought the fact they picked a Tuesday to get married was really inconvenient...but now I'm loving the idea.

Sooo I'm one of those people who thinks its not a smart idea to have kids very close together. Not only because medically it takes a complete year for your body to recoop from pregnancy/labor, but I want one out of diapers before another one is in diapers. Too many diapers= no bueno. My ideal spacing is 3 years I think. All of my siblings and myself are all 4 years apart, and that's worked out great. I know people though who are really close in age and although their teen years were a living hell with one another, now they're really close. To each his own. Anyway, here's something I came across that is pretty interesting...

Children born less than two years after their siblings were considerably more likely to have an autism diagnosis compared to those born after at least three years.

Later in the article it explains that the mother doesn't have enough time to recoop and rebuild vitamin and calcium supplies. Autism is pretty scary in the same way cancer is scary...people don't know THAT much about it yet. And there isn't a "cure". Anyway, the article I read this is here, and the "scholarly" article is the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. So I guess I can add that reason to my list. So all you crazy ladies poppin' out babies like it's going out of style...slow the heck down!

Jon + Sarah = Jonrah.

(Genre). James and I for some reason started combining names of the married people we knew to just refer to them as one person. To save time I guess??? Not that we're really people that are so busy we have to jam words together in conversation, but sometimes it's just easier. The only ones that have really stuck (that we actually use) is Rymber (Ryan + Kimber) or Rymberilly (Ryan+Kimber+ Milly)..but now they have Eliza too sooo....I'm not sure what to do about that. I guess they've progressed to "The Shannons." And Jonrah (pronounced Genre).

Yeah...we're that hokey. ANYway.

We went to a little pre-wedding dinner/couples shower/party thing for them on Friday. Completing the Jon's tux completely out of tissue paper I'd say was the crowning jewel of the evening.

Don't let the pilgrim hat and umbrella looking pimp cane throw you off...it was the best we could do.

James did all the between the leg taping...he knew Jon the best...

WHOA my hair is getting long.

Good ole' Florida

This is ridiculously accurate. Love it.

You know you're a Floridian if....


* You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.
* You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average

* Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005

* “Down South” means Key West

* You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

* You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

* Your winter coat is made of denim.

* You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

* Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

* You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

* You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

* You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba ' (we always called it little Havana)

* You dread love bug season. (didn't know until moving to Utah that people DON'T know what love bugs are...)

* You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

* You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma...Irene...Cheryl...Rita Mary... Alison

* You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

* Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

* You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

* You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

* A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

* You've hosted a hurricane party.

* You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

* You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

* You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

* A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.