Jillian's Story- Start to finish

I’m exhausted. Despite that, I figured if I don’t write this, then soon enough I’ll completely forget- along with what day it is, where Jillian’s binky is, and the last time I actually ate or slept.
So here it is, to the best of my ability, Jillian’s birth story:

Monday July 18, 2011 Doctors Appointment:

Well it looks like we can go ahead and set up an appointment on Wednesday to get you induced! So you'll call early Wednesday morning and they'll tell you if they have room for you to come in. Last week I did have three ladies call and they weren't able to get in, just so you know.
There has to be room. I don't feel like I can do this anymore. I'm SO uncomfortable.

Tuesday July 19, 2011 Due date.

Hi! I'm just calling to let you know ahead of time that we have a pretty full schedule for tomorrow. So there's a good chance you won't be able to be induced. There are 5 rooms available for first time moms to be induced, and you're number five on the list to be called, but all of them are currently full. We'll give you a call tomorrow. If you don't hear from us by 10 am, give us a call.


Wednesday July 20, 2011

9:23 am

Hi this is the charge nurse from Utah Valley Hospital. I'm calling to let you know that unfortunately we won't be able to fit you in today. We'll go ahead and set up an appoinment for you to come in tomorrow for a stress test to make sure that the baby is doing okay.

Super suck.

Later that day:
Well James, let's make a lot of plans tomorrow, since clearly this isn't happening anytime soon. Let's make a list:
-clean bathroom and vacuum
-call Melanie about broken light in dining room
-get my car checked
-James' eye appointment
-Stress test at 1:30
-Buy batteries and air humidifier for down stairs

Watch, now that we have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow, she'll decide to show up.

Thursday July 21, 2011

3:23 am

Ow. …Ow. Ugghhh. Time to change positions again. Okay body, here we go. Sloooowwlllyyy rollllllll over…OW. Big belly bblleegghhh. Okay. Ahh. That’s slightly better.

3:29 am

That didn’t help. My hip hurts. Egh. Again? If these are false contractions again that’s going to suck. Are they real contractions? I dunno. What IS a real contraction? Whatever. I’m going back to sleep.

3:34 am

OOWWW. These feel like cramps. Are these different than the other night? Should I wake up James? Nah. Not yet. Let’s not get our hopes up here. Oh, should I be writing these down? Eh. We’ll see if they go away this time.

3:39 am

Cramp. Cramp. Cramp. Are these getting worse? Contractions are supposed to get worse right? They feel the same so far…And Dr. Nance said the first stage of labor can last 7-8 hours…so, I guess I have a while if they’re for real. Back to sleep.

3:45 am

Ooooo gotta sit up. I think I have to pee? Maybe. OUCH. CRAMP CRAMP CRAMP. Okay. Maybe I should start timing these things. They seem close together already. Okay here we go…45 seconds. Hmm, these are definitely longer than the other night. *Digs out a neon green pad of post-its and pen from nightstand. Why do I even have post-its in here? Oh well. I need a watch…I guess my phone will work.


Okay. These are regular…well, sort of. Regular enough I guess. Will sitting up help? No. Okay I’ll try standing. No. Walking? Slightly better. Is someone literally pinching me from the inside? No, not pinching…GNAWING ON ME with spiky metal teeth?

James. I think I’m having contractions.

Okay…are you timing them?

Yeah, they’re pretty close, like 5-6 minutes, some are 4 minutes. But I don’t really know if it’s a contraction.

Doesn’t it say in your book thing?

Oh yeah…let’s look. …. Umm, I guess it could be a contraction? It says that the first stage of labor can last for hours, so try to get comfortable. But these are already pretty close.

Well, I guess keep timing them.



OOOO. James, these are getting pretty bad. I can’t sit down.

Should we go to the hospital?

I don’t know. What if they’re not real and they just send us home? I’ll feel so stupid. OOOWWWWWW.

Okay I think we should go to the hospital.

Okay. Go wake up my Mom and tell her.

[At this point James went into complete “go” mode.]

James, where’s my bag? I have to put my last minute stuff in there?

It’s in the car already.

Wait, what? Why? I’m not ready.

Mom: It’s okay, I’ll get it and put it in there.

I guess I should at least brush my teeth. I wanted to put on mascara at least and deodorant…I don’t care anymore- this HURTS. I need to go to the hospital NOW.

Okay. We’re in the car. I can do this. I can do this. It’s not to far. How far apart are they? Oh crap. 3 minutes. What if I have this baby in the car? Oh crap. HHOOLLYY #($*&@# that hurts! Where are we? Have my eyes been closed? Oh…okay, there’s the mall, we’re getting closer. James is driving pretty fast. Good thing it’s so early and there’s no traf…SSSHHEEESSSHHHH these are no good. Okay. Definitely not fake. Not fake. Not fake.

Should I park right here? [At the front door basically].

No, it’s okay just park in the parking garage.

Are you sure?

Yes. Just park.

Let’s leave the bags in the car until we find out for sure…I still don’t know if these are real.

Wait…why are there so many doctor’s outside? It’s like 5 in the morning? …Are they grilling? Holy cow, they’re grilling. Maybe it’s breakfast…oh well. Okay. Here we go. We’re almost there. …People have got to be looking at me…am I even wearing a bra?

[On the 5th floor- Labor and Delivery]

The red phone. They said pick up the red phone in the prenatal class.

James, use the phone.

Hi uh…I think my wife is in labor.

Doors open.

Okay, what’s your name?
Whitney Houlin.
Due Date?
The 19th.

Okay we’ll get you checked in and the nurse will go ahead and check you.

Finally…HURRY UP.

[In the room with lots of monitors and a mirror.]

Oh. This is THE room. As in, THE room it all goes down in.

5:15 ish

Okay Whitney, go ahead and put the gown on and I’ll check to see if you’re dilated.


WHOA LADY, think you could shove your fingers up there any faster?
WHOA you’re fast at that.

Haha. Well, you’re 5cm, so you’re not going back home! We’ll get your IV hooked up and finish getting you checked in!

Oh…OH. It IS go time. Yikes. No turning back now.

Were you planning on having an epidural?


Okay, I’ll go ahead and call the anesthesiologist. I think he’s still asleep, but he needs to wake up anyway.

..What? Asleep? Doesn’t seem like he should be giving people drugs if he’s half asleep. OOOOUUUUCCCHHHH. Okay whatever, bring it on, I don’t care if he IS asleep. GIMME THE DRUGS.

[45 minutes later, epidural is in and working].

Wow. This is magical. It’s like, I was dying, and then I was not dying. Ahh sweet relief. This is awesome. I can totally do this. Why would anybody choose to go natural? Beats me.

Umm, I’m still feeling some pelvic floor pressure, is that normal?

Oh yeah, that’s normal. You should feel pressure, but not pain.

Oh, okay. Well, if that’s all I have to feel, then I’m game.

[A few minutes later]

Ok. This is really starting to hurt again. It feels like a contraction but I can only feel it in my crotch. PAAAIIIINNNNN. I don’t think this is working right.

This is REALLY starting to get uncomfortable. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I shouldn’t have to breathe like this with an epidural in…right?

Okay, I’ll go ahead and call the anesthesiologist to come check your dosage.

WOW. These hurt WORSE than the contractions I felt….Please Mr. Candy Man, come QUICKLY!!!

James: Honey, I know it hurts, but you’re squeezing my hand reeaalllyy tight.


Hello! I’m Dr. so and so. So you’re still feeling some pain?

Yes. A lot. Way down low.

Well, I’m going to give you a different drug than the first time that should be a little bit stronger.

Good. Do it.

[10 minutes later]

Ahh….relief again. Okay. We’re good. Aside from this catheter tube that is annoying the heck out of me, and the fact that I have the shakes like a seizure patient, we’re good.

Except for the heartbeat. Do they have to keep the microphone turned up on her heartbeat? It’s making me so nervous constantly hearing it. What if it just…stops? I should try to rest. It’s freezing in here. I can’t stop shaking.

James you should probably go get the bags in the car.
I’ll call my mom.

Mom! Looks like we’re staying here. When she checked me I was 5cm, and the epidural is in and working and….umm…I think my water…yeah…my water just broke! Um, I’ll call you back.

This is gross…talk about a mega gush of goop.

[Nurse checks] Oh yes! Your water did break! It has a greenish tint to it, which means your baby did have a bowel movement. So I’ll call Dr. Nance and see how he wants to proceed.

Crap. That’s the one thing I was super nervous about.

So Dr. Nance said we’ll go ahead and start an amnio-flush. Where basically a tube [another tube?] is inserted and warm water is pumped in to dilute the meconium.


Progress is made. Every hour I’m checked for dilation, and every hour I progress another centimeter.

11:00 am

9cm. Wow. 9 cm?! I don’t feel like 9cm…I feel like I’m on a cloud floating past rainbows and watching puppy dogs chase their tails.

You’re almost ready to push! You just have a teeny bit of cervix left that I bet will be gone with a few contractions.

Wow. Okay. Where does the cervix even go? It just disappears? Whatevs. Sounds good.

11:25 am

10 cm! Time to start pushing!
Oh…okay. Sure.

Next contraction, first push. Okay, I know I’m not supposed to push with my face. If I push with my face, I’m doing it wrong. I reeaallyyy don’t want to have them turn down the epidural. Here we go. PUSH.

Wow! That was a great push! I bet you’ll be having her within about 30 minutes!

Well Dr. Nance, I’d love to believe you, but you also told me at 37 weeks you thought I’d be delivering early…so I’ll believe it when I see it.

More pushing. On the third and last count to 10 I’m struggling to finish. Whew. This is intense. I feel out of breath.

Okay, well I need to run downstairs to sign some papers, and I’ll be right back.


It’s okay, I can be back in two seconds. You can keep pushing with the nurse.

Holy shiz balls, is he for real???

Pushing with the nurse:

Do you want to look in the mirror?

Uhhhh, I’m not sure…I guess.

[With the mirror]

Look, can you see the top of her head?

WHOA! Also…wowzers…this looks like I’m going to be in some pain afterwards. Yikes at my lady parts.

Okay here’s another contraction, let’s push!

James is being so quiet during all of this. Where is Dr. Nance?! Shouldn’t he be back by now…

A few minutes later…finally…he’s back.

I’m going to vomit. I’m shaking uncontrollably and I want to vomit.

James, get the barf bag. Just hold it by my head. If I barf I’m just turning and going, so be ready.

Uhh, okay.

12:05 pm

Okay! Here comes the head!

Holy crap the pressure. So much pressure. Something is SQUEEZING through a very small space. Even with an epidural, this I can feel. I think someone just lit a firecracker in my vajayjay. OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO GET THIS THING OUT.

Look Whitney, open your eyes!

HOLY CRAP!!! (I literally shouted). This HUMAN BEING just came out of me! What a strange, wonderful, beautiful, freaky thing. She’s here. I did it. She’s here. And I’m not pregnant anymore!!! She’s crying, that’s a good sign. James is tearing up- that’s so cute! I’m not crying though, shouldn’t I be crying? I’m still shaking a lot. I can’t believe what I just pushed out.

James, go see her! What does she look like? [They had to immediately take her over to the side with the NICU team to be checked out because of the whole meconium situation.]

All right she looks good! She didn’t ingest any of the meconium.

Whew. That’s a BIG relief.

She’s 7lbs and 7oz and 20 inches long!

Wow. She’s small!

That’s not that small, actually.

Well, I was expecting at least an 8 pounder.

Finally, I get to hold her. She IS tiny. I’m still cold and shaking. Are my legs still wide up in the air? Oh, looks that way. He is definitely going to town on those stitches- I feel like I’m being pulled in five different directions. But she’s perfect, so it doesn’t matter.

I can’t believe this is who was inside of me for 9 months. Every jab was from those knobby little elbows. Every kick was from those skinny little feet with those itty-bitty toes. How soon can I paint her toe nails? Those ridiculously painful head butts were from this currently little misshapen head. I wonder what color hair she’ll have? I just want to study her face and memorize every little wrinkle and dimple.

Wow. James, we MADE this.
I know, we did.

And she’s perfect. And I’m so in love.


The ONLY 3 things you should say to a pregnant lady

Two blog posts in one day? I know. I'm out of control. But one, I have nothing to do during the day. I'm sitting around waiting to go into labor, which is an awful lot like watching grass grow. And two, as soon as d-day does go down, I'll probably have a lot less time (from what I hear) to do things like complain about my current state via text online. So, two blog posts in one day today.

I just found something hilarious. It's from this blog.
And I completely relate.

"Every time I stand up I swear bad swears in my head. “Great Cesar’s Ghost!” I say, only not that. I do not know who is sneaking into my house and beating my lower back with a 4” pipe, and why on earth I am not noticing during the commission, but it needs to stop. Walking is the worst joke. So is sitting. My own body is violating the Geneva Convention.

If you’ve had a baby you know the last couple weeks are physical torture. I don’t know why it’s such a surprise. You know that your insides will be squashed and pummeled. You know that your bladder will experience sudden, crushing pain. You know that staying in one position for more than 15 minutes will cause brutal debilitation and shocking torment. Yet, we still have babies, plural.

People ask how you are and you’ll smile and say, “Tired,” when the truth is that you’re in physical agony. Mostly you want people to stop asking how you are, or if you are excited about the baby, or what the baby’s name is.
How about we go with Emmie’s advice and say one of only three things:
1. You look fantastic.
2. Would you like to sit down?
3. Have a cookie.

Not on the list:
“You must be so done!”
“Hurts just looking at you!”
“Have you had that baby yet?”
“No, you cannot have Thai food.”

(Yes, I can, and it had better have at least 3 stars or you’re all fired.)"

And I'd like to add something to the "not on the list" list: "She'll come when she's ready!" Obviously. But that doesn't make me feel ANY better.
Now where's that cookie?

You are what you eat..so eat something cute!

We love finding new delicious places to eat. Well, we love to eat. Period. Since we've lived in the valley we've found some of the BEST little random places to eat. Wanna know?

Best burger, fries, shakes: Purple Turtle in Pleasant Grove
Best legit tacos: Diegos in Provo
Best Pizza: Nicolitalias (Provo) or Pizzeria 712 (Orem)
Best sushi: Sushi House in American Fork
Best Italian: Cucina Toscana ($) in Salt Lake or La Dolce Vita (not so $) in Provo

Wowzers. That's quality information right there.

And I think new to the list- best cupcakes: The Sweet Tooth Fairy in south Provo. Holy carp. (Yes, carp.) I first read about it on Nienie Dialogues.
As soon as I saw the pictures on her blog I knew it was a place worth visiting. Sooo we did.

I tried to balance a cupcake on my belly (because I can with a lot of things..and I'm that retarded to try with a lot of things), but these were too top heavy (HELLO FROSTING!). I've decided it's a problem I'm completely okay with.

James got a German chocolate cupcake (he could only eat half because he's not quite the cupcake pounder I can be). I got a raspberry lemonade cupcake (for then) and a peanut butter chocolate cupcake for later..heh.

They also have these things called cupcake shakes? I'll definitely be trying one of those soon...All in favor of this being my post-partum hospital treat? I!


5 minute makeover

I HATE shopping for sunglasses. Mostly because I'm really picky about the shape that they are. So when I find a pair I like, they're keepers until they're ruined or lost. Like a week ago I noticed the little charm thingy on the side fell out..but only on one side. After digging through my Mary Poppins style purse, I realized it was no where to be found, and all hope was lost. I was going to have to buy new sunglasses?!

Oh noes!

I looked in my craft crap instead and found some cute little brads that I figured I could rig something up with a little hot glue to cover up the hole.

I decided I needed a little more UMPHH so I added a little pink ribbon on one side for some pizazz.

(ba-da-ba-ba-baa) I'm lovin' it.


The view from up here

It's like playing hide and seek with the lower half of your body...where did my feet go?!

I will never take the little things for granted anymore. Like seeing your toes while standing up, bending over, getting up from sitting down, rolling over in bed, sleeping through the night, going up the stairs, fitting under the water in a bubble bath, walking without waddling, hugging people without leaning forward to reach them (thanks bump)..*sigh. I'm depressing myself so I should probably stop.

I shouldn't be though {depressed}- it's not even my official due date yet. Not for another week (the 19th). But holy cow, I am SO READY to get this baby outta here. She packs quite a powerful punch these days and especially likes to do head butts (yowzers). Not that I've minded sharing my space with her all these months- for the most part she's been a friendly house guest. But my patience is running thin. And by 'running thin' I mean it's gone. haha.

(PUUUUSSSHHHH!!! ok...not quite yet...just practicing my facial expression)

(39 weeks! And yes...those are James' sweat pants)

My mom seems to think it's going to be rather soon since I had one last burst of energy over the weekend (which apparently happens before most women deliver?). I decided it was important to clean out/organize two closets downstairs and wash all of the sheets that we own. haha. It made me feel better anyway. Here's to hoping that she's right about that! [Don't moms know EVERY thing???]

At my doctor's appointment today I was 75% effaced and 3cm dilated. Halelujah! That means something is about to go down...right? If I don't go into labor by Monday when my next appointment is, we'll go ahead and set up a time to be induced next week.

Oh my gosh...look! It's the LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!!!


Hotdog eyes are focused eyes.

4th of July! One of my favorite holidays. I love that we celebrate our country's freedom and independence by blowing crap up. I seriously LOVE fireworks. There should be fireworks for every holiday.
However, my neighbors have signed their death warrant by deciding to shoot them off into the wee hours in the morning (seriously? even at 5am?).

Anyway. We had a good 4th. We just chilled during the day (I played spider solitaire for almost 2 hours straight....and only won one game..heh..). At night we went up to Thanksgiving Point to watch fireworks. Which is only a 15 minute drive (important detail for later). One thing that's pretty cool about living in a valley is when it comes to fireworks, you usually don't get a view of just one show. We could actually see about 4-5 different fireworks shows around before the one we were there to watch actually started. Pretty cool.

I love the whole feeling of 4th of July though. Little kids running around with sparklers and glow sticks, everyone sitting on picnic blankets and camping chairs, the smell of barbecues, people throwing footballs and frisbees. It's very Norman Rockwell.

One thing I definitely look forward to is my annual 4th of July hotdog. That's right. I eat one hotdog a year. Baby or not, this had to happen (only one wouldn't hurt right?). I also have to get a snow cone. Two very non-negotiable things when it comes to me celebrating my country's freedom.

Look at these serious hotdog eating eyes:

Now, borderline lazy eye: (I really don't have a lazy eye, but for some reason it totally looks like it in this one...)

At the park they had these little cow things for little kids to ride being pulled by a tractor. It was pretty funny. Reminded me of good ole' Lake Butler.

Oh, and remember how it took 15 minutes to get there? It took 1 hr and 45 min to get home because of all the traffic leaving. I almost peed myself.

I was hoping all of the fireworks (noise, lights, etc.) would freak my body out into labor. No such luck. She hardly even stirred. Dangit.

Good holiday everyone. Let's do it again.