So I was able to pump myself full of enough medicine to get out of bed, and made it back to school by lunch. Just in time to see Jack Black from School of Rock leaving my classroom, well, at least his Doppelganger.
Come to find out, one chair got broken, the kids made paper mustaches and ended up "being a distraction" (well...PERSON IN CHARGE tell them to not make paper mustaches!), and he told them to call him Mr. Rock and Roll. They said he was the "best sub ever." Which translates into, "he let us do whatever we want so we'd think he was cool." It was a fantastic way to start the afternoon.
Meanwhile, I still can't eat anything normal. Yesterday I was feeling like 90% better, so I figured a little Minetrone soup from Olive Garden would be fine? FALSE. My insides feel like they're in a blender. Bleghagdesfasdfggghhhhhhhh. Pass the Saltines.