I had a bad day.

I was cautiously optimistic about today and the direction it would take. Last night went pretty well, considering the dreaded "6 week growth spurt" that baby J is in the thick of. She went 4 hours between feedings! Then two chunks of three hours, then only an hour and a half...then three hours again. She fell back to sleep fairly easily as well. I woke up feeling slightly rested. What a change. But like I said, cautiously optimistic.

All was well until she barfed around noon-ish. It always messes up her whole eating schedule...because then she wants to sleep when she should be awake, or eat when she should be sleeping, or some variation on the three things she does (eat, be awake, sleep). Soo she was slightly fussy for a while, she couldn't eat because she was refluxing too bad and eventually cried herself to sleep. I decided I needed some time out. Bless Jen Wardell's pregnant heart for watching her! I went for a much needed pedicure.

And this is where it went downhill.

The guy who did my pedicure reeked of cigarette smoke. And he didn't do things in the same order on each foot. That bugged me. He also skipped cuticle oil completely! I know...the nerve...He got distracted by the TV during the massage portion and almost stopped completely. I should've kicked him in the face. I mean my foot was practically right there. Did I tip him? Yes...three bucks...I feel bad NOT tipping people when they ASK you if you want to add a tip. People should just not do that...just print it on the receipt or have a little collection jar...seriously.

So then I decided I do a little shopping to try to find some new clothes for going back to school. Every time I look in my closet I feel depressed. Everything is either out of style, stretched out, or faded. Time for a change. I went to Old Navy first, but they surprisingly had very little. They were like in the middle of getting rid of summer stuff, but the fall stuff wasn't out yet. So I ventured over to TJ Maxx, where there was even less of a decent selection. I still bought a couple of things- a cardigan (go figure), a plain white t-shirt, a floral undershirt, and a graphic tee. Meh. I decided to call it a day.

On the way back to collect my offspring, I tried to maneuver from one turn lane to the next so I wouldn't be stuck behind the semi, who was inevitably going to drive me nuts. Well. That was a bad idea. I grossly misjudged the distance between myself and the semi, because on my way around I nicked by side mirror and side door against the back of it. The car probably behind me was probably in shock. Aye aye aye. So this sent me into tears.

I had a bad day.

But looking at these things made it slightly better. This video almost made me cry (I have no idea why...but I'm only 5 weeks post-partum, so I suppose I don't really need a reason..). Isn't this little boy ridiculously adorable? I totally want to make one of these videos when Jillian does more than stare at me with a blank expression. It also made me realize I should really enjoy more of the daily cute little things that make the daily hard things seem not so bad.

Good thing tomorrow is a new day.

LINCOLN from Digital Memorys on Vimeo.


I feel like a zombie.

So last night I'm sitting in the rocking chair with little miss Jillian, who has been screaming her face off for an hour. It's the third time I've been up with her in 4 hours. Am I an awful person for wishing this sleepless part of her life to be over? That's rhetorical by the way. If I could just fast forward to the part where she sleeps...I know there's always something that will come up- growth spurts, teething, la la la. But the key difference is dealing with a fussy baby on 4 hours of sleep (taken in about 1 1/2 hr increments) and dealing with a fussy baby on a consecutive like 6 hours of sleep. Aye aye aye. Sometimes she and I just cry together.
This is that crazy position she likes to sleep in that I mentioned earlier:

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. -Ralph Waldo Emerson


Jack and Jillian

Gordy, Jenn, and Jack were in Utah this week! We got to see them a couple of times. So fun! I can't believe how BIG Jack is!!! Kids grow. Crazy stuff. Check out their cousin cuteness:

Do you like how most of the time Jillian has a constant look of terror on her face??


Dear Jillian (1 month)

Dear Jillian,

I can't believe you're already one month old!!! You still seem so tiny and helpless, but much bigger and older all at the same time. I feel like I'm finally starting to figure you out...especially now that you have your eating business figured out (remember the heck of a time we had? egh...). Here's some things about you now:
  • You HATE being burped. You start screaming as soon as the bottle comes out of your mouth and you feel yourself being propped up. When you do burp, they stink like crap.
  • You make the funniest faces. Mostly when you're just chillin' in your bouncy seat and staring around (a deer in the headlights kind of look), and also when you're falling asleep.
  • You always try to poop while you're eating and you grunt REALLY loud to try to get it all out. You don't have the skills to eat and poop at the same time yet (and when you do develop these skills, don't do it anyway...it's gross).
  • Your favorite position to fall asleep in is when you're up on my chest, your body is curved into a c-shape, your head is to the side and cocked back so you can see me. Looks super uncomfortable.
  • You hate getting in your car seat. Can't blame you here- it doesn't look fun. But once you're in the car you LOVE it. Well, not your seat I guess, but the car. You just stare out the window.
  • When you're sleeping, like really sleeping, your arms are above your head.
  • You just found your fingers! Sometimes you suck them. It's the cutest thing. I hope you're a thumb sucker instead of a binky baby...sometimes those things are hard to keep up with.
  • You only sleep 2-3 hours at a time at night right now. Aye aye aye. It's taking it's toll. Hopefully you grow out of that one fast.
  • You're definitely getting chunkier! You're still only about 8 1/2 lbs, but your cheeks are starting to resemble a chipmunks and you even have little thigh rolls!
All in all, I'm falling more in love with you everyday. You already have me wrapped around your long little fingers. And fortunately, taking care of you is getting a little bit easier/more manageable every day (much appreciated). I know it's probably super obvious to everyone else that I'm a new mom...especially when we go places and I have to try to coordinate your diaper bag, my purse, and the stroller, but so far you've been pretty patient with me. It's been a very long, yet very short month. I guess I'm starting to understand when parents say that their babies grow up way too fast. (Although I really wouldn't mind the next couple of months speeding by until you sleep through the night). ;-)


You always have your hands right up under your bottle or by your face when you eat.

You fell asleep like this in about 10 seconds after you were just screaming.

How you looked at Uncle Matthew.

We know you're really asleep when your mouth is wide open.

You always sleep well when you're being held.

There it is. That deer in the headlights look. Hilarious.


A bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

It's getting closer. That time of year...where I'm forced to know what day it is (both day AND number). Back to school. This is such a weird time of year for me. I LOVE summer. Love. Love. Love. This summer wasn't very "traditional"...we didn't have our annual trip to Florida, which made it feel a lot less like summer. We did get a +1 though, which also made us stay indoors quite a bit more.

But now it's getting closer to the time to put flip-flops in the back of the closet and start scrounging up my scarves and long-sleeved shirts. Hopefully I'll be able to fit back into my jeans soon enough...
But Fall is good too, I guess. I like the general idea of the fall season. It gets a little bit cooler, stores start selling pumpkin bread again, and I get to start thinking of my Halloween costume.

It was fun getting ready for school when I was still pregnant. I LOVE getting/organizing school and office supplies. But now that it's nearly here and I'm holding the fruits of my labor, quite literally (school starts Monday, but I go back in two more weeks), I don't feel as excited.
I feel tired.

I've already plugged several meetings, notes, important dates, etc. on iCalendar. September is booking up people. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the next few months. I'm sure after that I'll get into a routine with this whole teacher/mom thing. But it's mostly September-November that I'm worried about. But apparently it's been done before. Don't you know like 1908231433 teachers who are moms? My hat goes off to them. I should try to pump myself up somehow. I can't help but think of You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan:

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

*Swoon* This makes me OCD/anal-organized heart sing.

Happy school year everyone. Only 180 days and counting. ;-)


Schedule? ...What schedule?

I like things organized. I like my house clean. During the school year I like looking at my plan book just to look at it. I make lists. I like to complete them. Yes, I'm one of those people.

Throw it the heck out the window now that there's a baby in the picture. Not to mention, a baby who can't figure her schedule out. Just when we were getting into our little routine and I was starting to feel more than a total failure, I was blindsided with these two infections (I'll spare the painful and icky details), which really screwed everything. Forget even knowing what day it is, my life revolves around this little wriggly body in 2 hour feeding increments, where we do about the same thing: eat, change diaper, fuss a little, maybe sleep, repeat. I guess that may sound like a schedule, but I promise it's more complicated than that. I really feel like I might as well walk around the house all day with my shirt off (Let's be honest, it happens).

I think the phrase, "This is only temporary" has been sandblasted into my working memory. But then it makes me think...this IS only temporary. Soon she's going to grow up and be big- too big for me to hold and cuddle and sing to. She'll figure out how to control her arms and legs, pee when she wants to, get food for herself, and even tell me WHY she's upset instead of just screaming about it. This makes things a little more bearable when I'm walking up and down the stairs with her at 3am to try to put her back to sleep. (She LOVES the stairs...weird...). I won't get to have her this little forever...



Great Scott. I knew this whole "kid" thing would be exhausting...but HOLY COW! Now it's really hit since my Mom is back in Florida, and we're left to figure this thing out by ourselves. I'm surprised she (the baby) is still alive, quite frankly. James said something completely true, but that only made me feel mildly better, "Whitney, far less qualified people have done this."

True. We all know somebody.

Still doesn't mean it's easy. I should have done a better job following the advice I got when I was pregnant: sleep now when you can! It's amazing how little time you have to do ANYTHING with a baby. Not even kidding. Today I managed to eat cereal one handed around 10am, and eat dinner in two sessions around 6pm. And that is all I had time to eat. But baby girl ate a LOT. A whole HECK of a lot. She's going through a growth spurt. *sigh. So she eats like every hour. I also have two wicked nasty infections. So my body has a hard time keeping up with her demanding feeding schedule, which means we're supplementing her with formula also. And let me tell something to you...babies who drink formula have the most foul smelling poops/farts I think I have ever smelled from any human body opening. I really should record James changing a diaper- all his gagging is nearly comical.

Just to give you an idea of just how heinous these infections are, these are all the pills I take in a 24 hour period, in addition to a cream. Aye aye aye. Do I even still have a liver? Good thing I'm not a drinker...I'm sure that'd do me in.

I think the highlight of my day today was taking a shower (which I JUST did by the way, and it's 7:30pm). Actually wait, the highlight of my day today would have to be when she just wanted to be cuddled, so I was holding her and singing her some Weepies songs (they make for good lullabies) and she kept eye contact with me the whole time, then gave one of the biggest, gummiest grins I've ever seen her make. I know it was probably just a face muscle spaz at this point...but I'd like to think it was intentional.

Things that definitely were NOT the highlight of my day:
-Changing some of the biggest, nastiest poopy diapers I've EVER seen.
-Being awake from like 2am-7am with her when she decided it would be day time.
-Getting barfed on at 4am.
-Getting a really nasty infection that makes me feel like crappers.

We both didn't make it out of our pajamas today. She had to go through a couple pairs though, since she pooped through them. And I was too tired/lazy/busy to change out of mine that had been spit up on and even a poop smudge. Gross. Have I really let my hygiene slip to this level?

My mom says that this is only temporary- the whole sleep deprivation thing. I don't believe her. I want to believe her though.

Sometimes it feels like everything is one continuous day. A very long day. ..Very..long..day.


Thoughts 11 days in..

Ahhh.."me" time. Finally. This baby thing is EXHAUSTING. Tonight my mom and sister went out to give us some "family time" alone. Well, here's what's happened during "family time"...James fed Jillian from a bottle and she promptly vomited (again) all over herself. So I finished feeding her, put her in PJ's, and changed her massive poopy. ...That's now a regular word in my vocabulary.
While I was changing her, she spit up all over her PJ's. Great...which end do I tend to first? So we changed her again, got her all snuggled and I sang to her until she fell asleep. As soon as I laid her in her bassinet, I heard what can only be described as an old tractor trying to be started.
More "poopy".
Changed. Singing. Asleep. And she lasted about 10 minutes before she started crying again. James picked her up and within 30 seconds she was out. Spoiled? Probably. I should probably read a parenting book. When would I do that?
Things like this make me miss "me" time.

Anyway. I think partial thoughts these days. Most of my conversations are in fragments (and mostly about diapers, spit-up, and me asking my mom, "Is that normal?".

Some of my other thought fragments now that we're 11 days into this parent thing:
  • I haven't gotten a breath of fresh air in 3 days. I also don't think I've put deodorant on in those three days. Gross.
  • Oh boobs. Pain. I can totally understand why some women just opt straight for the bottle.
  • How many poopy diapers has she had today? Okay good.
  • Oh. I've started doing that thing. Where I talk for her to James and call him "Daddy".
  • Soggy cereal again. Cold foods are hot, and hot foods are cold by the time I get done feeding her and onto feeding myself. James and I eat in shifts.
  • Thank you heavens above for letting me have a baby that sleeps 4 hrs at a time at night.
  • Crap! I haven't checked her diaper in a few hours. I feel like the worst mom ever.
  • Have I gotten off the couch today?
  • Boobs. PAIN.
  • Oooo cute outfit! I have to get it (for her..not me). Does she have a bow already to match?
  • Am I really expected to do all of this alone when my family goes back home? AH!
  • She makes ALL her facial expressions while she's eating. Hilarious. I'd record it if it wasn't well, when she was eating.
Anyway. I'm trying to stay SANE during all of this. I figure if I can make it through the first month then I should get it figured out enough to make it.
Earlier during "family time," we were sitting on the couch watching some random TV show. I wasn't really watching, just kind of staring at it. I turned to James and said, "This is probably going to be like every night for us now, huh?"
"Yup." He replied.
This makes me want to cry.

But then I realize how cute she is, and that makes me want to cry too. But for different reasons.