I had a bad day.

I was cautiously optimistic about today and the direction it would take. Last night went pretty well, considering the dreaded "6 week growth spurt" that baby J is in the thick of. She went 4 hours between feedings! Then two chunks of three hours, then only an hour and a half...then three hours again. She fell back to sleep fairly easily as well. I woke up feeling slightly rested. What a change. But like I said, cautiously optimistic.

All was well until she barfed around noon-ish. It always messes up her whole eating schedule...because then she wants to sleep when she should be awake, or eat when she should be sleeping, or some variation on the three things she does (eat, be awake, sleep). Soo she was slightly fussy for a while, she couldn't eat because she was refluxing too bad and eventually cried herself to sleep. I decided I needed some time out. Bless Jen Wardell's pregnant heart for watching her! I went for a much needed pedicure.

And this is where it went downhill.

The guy who did my pedicure reeked of cigarette smoke. And he didn't do things in the same order on each foot. That bugged me. He also skipped cuticle oil completely! I know...the nerve...He got distracted by the TV during the massage portion and almost stopped completely. I should've kicked him in the face. I mean my foot was practically right there. Did I tip him? Yes...three bucks...I feel bad NOT tipping people when they ASK you if you want to add a tip. People should just not do that...just print it on the receipt or have a little collection jar...seriously.

So then I decided I do a little shopping to try to find some new clothes for going back to school. Every time I look in my closet I feel depressed. Everything is either out of style, stretched out, or faded. Time for a change. I went to Old Navy first, but they surprisingly had very little. They were like in the middle of getting rid of summer stuff, but the fall stuff wasn't out yet. So I ventured over to TJ Maxx, where there was even less of a decent selection. I still bought a couple of things- a cardigan (go figure), a plain white t-shirt, a floral undershirt, and a graphic tee. Meh. I decided to call it a day.

On the way back to collect my offspring, I tried to maneuver from one turn lane to the next so I wouldn't be stuck behind the semi, who was inevitably going to drive me nuts. Well. That was a bad idea. I grossly misjudged the distance between myself and the semi, because on my way around I nicked by side mirror and side door against the back of it. The car probably behind me was probably in shock. Aye aye aye. So this sent me into tears.

I had a bad day.

But looking at these things made it slightly better. This video almost made me cry (I have no idea why...but I'm only 5 weeks post-partum, so I suppose I don't really need a reason..). Isn't this little boy ridiculously adorable? I totally want to make one of these videos when Jillian does more than stare at me with a blank expression. It also made me realize I should really enjoy more of the daily cute little things that make the daily hard things seem not so bad.

Good thing tomorrow is a new day.

LINCOLN from Digital Memorys on Vimeo.

I feel like a zombie.

So last night I'm sitting in the rocking chair with little miss Jillian, who has been screaming her face off for an hour. It's the third time I've been up with her in 4 hours. Am I an awful person for wishing this sleepless part of her life to be over? That's rhetorical by the way. If I could just fast forward to the part where she sleeps...I know there's always something that will come up- growth spurts, teething, la la la. But the key difference is dealing with a fussy baby on 4 hours of sleep (taken in about 1 1/2 hr increments) and dealing with a fussy baby on a consecutive like 6 hours of sleep. Aye aye aye. Sometimes she and I just cry together.
This is that crazy position she likes to sleep in that I mentioned earlier:

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Jack and Jillian

Gordy, Jenn, and Jack were in Utah this week! We got to see them a couple of times. So fun! I can't believe how BIG Jack is!!! Kids grow. Crazy stuff. Check out their cousin cuteness:

Do you like how most of the time Jillian has a constant look of terror on her face??

Dear Jillian (1 month)

Dear Jillian,

I can't believe you're already one month old!!! You still seem so tiny and helpless, but much bigger and older all at the same time. I feel like I'm finally starting to figure you out...especially now that you have your eating business figured out (remember the heck of a time we had? egh...). Here's some things about you now:

• You HATE being burped. You start screaming as soon as the bottle comes out of your mouth and you feel yourself being propped up. When you do burp, they stink like crap.
• You make the funniest faces. Mostly when you're just chillin' in your bouncy seat and staring around (a deer in the headlights kind of look), and also when you're falling asleep.
• You always try to poop while you're eating and you grunt REALLY loud to try to get it all out. You don't have the skills to eat and poop at the same time yet (and when you do develop these skills, don't do it anyway...it's gross).
  
• Your favorite position to fall asleep in is when you're up on my chest, your body is curved into a c-shape, your head is to the side and cocked back so you can see me. Looks super uncomfortable.
  
• You hate getting in your car seat. Can't blame you here- it doesn't look fun. But once you're in the car you LOVE it. Well, not your seat I guess, but the car. You just stare out the window.
• When you're sleeping, like really sleeping, your arms are above your head.
  
• You just found your fingers! Sometimes you suck them. It's the cutest thing. I hope you're a thumb sucker instead of a binky baby...sometimes those things are hard to keep up with.
• You only sleep 2-3 hours at a time at night right now. Aye aye aye. It's taking it's toll. Hopefully you grow out of that one fast.
  
• You're definitely getting chunkier! You're still only about 8 1/2 lbs, but your cheeks are starting to resemble a chipmunks and you even have little thigh rolls!
  

All in all, I'm falling more in love with you everyday. You already have me wrapped around your long little fingers. And fortunately, taking care of you is getting a little bit easier/more manageable every day (much appreciated). I know it's probably super obvious to everyone else that I'm a new mom...especially when we go places and I have to try to coordinate your diaper bag, my purse, and the stroller, but so far you've been pretty patient with me. It's been a very long, yet very short month. I guess I'm starting to understand when parents say that their babies grow up way too fast. (Although I really wouldn't mind the next couple of months speeding by until you sleep through the night). ;-)

Love,
Mom

You always have your hands right up under your bottle or by your face when you eat.

You fell asleep like this in about 10 seconds after you were just screaming.

How you looked at Uncle Matthew.

We know you're really asleep when your mouth is wide open.

You always sleep well when you're being held.

There it is. That deer in the headlights look. Hilarious.

A bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

It's getting closer. That time of year...where I'm forced to know what day it is (both day AND number). Back to school. This is such a weird time of year for me. I LOVE summer. Love. Love. Love. This summer wasn't very "traditional"...we didn't have our annual trip to Florida, which made it feel a lot less like summer. We did get a +1 though, which also made us stay indoors quite a bit more.

But now it's getting closer to the time to put flip-flops in the back of the closet and start scrounging up my scarves and long-sleeved shirts. Hopefully I'll be able to fit back into my jeans soon enough...But Fall is good too, I guess. I like the general idea of the fall season. It gets a little bit cooler, stores start selling pumpkin bread again, and I get to start thinking of my Halloween costume.

It was fun getting ready for school when I was still pregnant. I LOVE getting/organizing school and office supplies. But now that it's nearly here and I'm holding the fruits of my labor, quite literally (school starts Monday, but I go back in two more weeks), I don't feel as excited.
I feel tired.

I've already plugged several meetings, notes, important dates, etc. on iCalendar. September is booking up people. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the next few months. I'm sure after that I'll get into a routine with this whole teacher/mom thing. But it's mostly September-November that I'm worried about. But apparently it's been done before. Don't you know like 1908231433 teachers who are moms? My hat goes off to them. I should try to pump myself up somehow. I can't help but think of You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan:

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

*Swoon* This makes me OCD/anal-organized heart sing.

Happy school year everyone. Only 180 days and counting. ;-)

Schedule? ...What schedule?

I like things organized. I like my house clean. During the school year I like looking at my plan book just to look at it. I make lists. I like to complete them. Yes, I'm one of those people.

Throw it the heck out the window now that there's a baby in the picture. Not to mention, a baby who can't figure her schedule out. Just when we were getting into our little routine and I was starting to feel more than a total failure, I was blindsided with these two infections (I'll spare the painful and icky details), which really screwed everything. Forget even knowing what day it is, my life revolves around this little wriggly body in 2 hour feeding increments, where we do about the same thing: eat, change diaper, fuss a little, maybe sleep, repeat. I guess that may sound like a schedule, but I promise it's more complicated than that. I really feel like I might as well walk around the house all day with my shirt off (Let's be honest, it happens).

I think the phrase, "This is only temporary" has been sandblasted into my working memory. But then it makes me think...this IS only temporary. Soon she's going to grow up and be big- too big for me to hold and cuddle and sing to. She'll figure out how to control her arms and legs, pee when she wants to, get food for herself, and even tell me WHY she's upset instead of just screaming about it. This makes things a little more bearable when I'm walking up and down the stairs with her at 3am to try to put her back to sleep. (She LOVES the stairs...weird...). I won't get to have her this little forever...

Oh..so...tired...

Great Scott. I knew this whole "kid" thing would be exhausting...but HOLY COW! Now it's really hit since my Mom is back in Florida, and we're left to figure this thing out by ourselves. I'm surprised she (the baby) is still alive, quite frankly. James said something completely true, but that only made me feel mildly better, "Whitney, far less qualified people have done this."

True. We all know somebody.

Still doesn't mean it's easy. I should have done a better job following the advice I got when I was pregnant: sleep now when you can! It's amazing how little time you have to do ANYTHING with a baby. Not even kidding. Today I managed to eat cereal one handed around 10am, and eat dinner in two sessions around 6pm. And that is all I had time to eat. But baby girl ate a LOT. A whole HECK of a lot. She's going through a growth spurt. *sigh. So she eats like every hour. I also have two wicked nasty infections. So my body has a hard time keeping up with her demanding feeding schedule, which means we're supplementing her with formula also. And let me tell something to you...babies who drink formula have the most foul smelling poops/farts I think I have ever smelled from any human body opening. I really should record James changing a diaper- all his gagging is nearly comical.

Just to give you an idea of just how heinous these infections are, these are all the pills I take in a 24 hour period, in addition to a cream. Aye aye aye. Do I even still have a liver? Good thing I'm not a drinker...I'm sure that'd do me in.

I think the highlight of my day today was taking a shower (which I JUST did by the way, and it's 7:30pm). Actually wait, the highlight of my day today would have to be when she just wanted to be cuddled, so I was holding her and singing her some Weepies songs (they make for good lullabies) and she kept eye contact with me the whole time, then gave one of the biggest, gummiest grins I've ever seen her make. I know it was probably just a face muscle spaz at this point...but I'd like to think it was intentional.

Things that definitely were NOT the highlight of my day:

-Changing some of the biggest, nastiest poopy diapers I've EVER seen.

-Being awake from like 2am-7am with her when she decided it would be day time.

-Getting barfed on at 4am.

-Getting a really nasty infection that makes me feel like crappers.

We both didn't make it out of our pajamas today. She had to go through a couple pairs though, since she pooped through them. And I was too tired/lazy/busy to change out of mine that had been spit up on and even a poop smudge. Gross. Have I really let my hygiene slip to this level?

My mom says that this is only temporary- the whole sleep deprivation thing. I don't believe her. I want to believe her though.

Sometimes it feels like everything is one continuous day. A very long day. ..Very..long..day.

Thoughts 11 days in..

Ahhh.."me" time. Finally. This baby thing is EXHAUSTING. Tonight my mom and sister went out to give us some "family time" alone. Well, here's what's happened during "family time"...James fed Jillian from a bottle and she promptly vomited (again) all over herself. So I finished feeding her, put her in PJ's, and changed her massive poopy. ...That's now a regular word in my vocabulary.
"Poopy."

While I was changing her, she spit up all over her PJ's. Great...which end do I tend to first? So we changed her again, got her all snuggled and I sang to her until she fell asleep. As soon as I laid her in her bassinet, I heard what can only be described as an old tractor trying to be started.

More "poopy".

Changed. Singing. Asleep. And she lasted about 10 minutes before she started crying again. James picked her up and within 30 seconds she was out. Spoiled? Probably. I should probably read a parenting book. When would I do that?

Things like this make me miss "me" time.

Anyway. I think partial thoughts these days. Most of my conversations are in fragments (and mostly about diapers, spit-up, and me asking my mom, "Is that normal?".

Some of my other thought fragments now that we're 11 days into this parent thing:

• I haven't gotten a breath of fresh air in 3 days. I also don't think I've put deodorant on in those three days. Gross.
• Oh boobs. Pain. I can totally understand why some women just opt straight for the bottle.
• How many poopy diapers has she had today? Okay good.
• Oh. I've started doing that thing. Where I talk for her to James and call him "Daddy".
• Soggy cereal again. Cold foods are hot, and hot foods are cold by the time I get done feeding her and onto feeding myself. James and I eat in shifts.
• Thank you heavens above for letting me have a baby that sleeps 4 hrs at a time at night.
• I FEEL SO SKINNY!!!
• Crap! I haven't checked her diaper in a few hours. I feel like the worst mom ever.
• Have I gotten off the couch today?
• Boobs. PAIN.
• Oooo cute outfit! I have to get it (for her..not me). Does she have a bow already to match?
• Am I really expected to do all of this alone when my family goes back home? AH!
• She makes ALL her facial expressions while she's eating. Hilarious. I'd record it if it wasn't well, when she was eating.

Anyway. I'm trying to stay SANE during all of this. I figure if I can make it through the first month then I should get it figured out enough to make it.

Earlier during "family time," we were sitting on the couch watching some random TV show. I wasn't really watching, just kind of staring at it. I turned to James and said, "This is probably going to be like every night for us now, huh?"

"Yup." He replied.

This makes me want to cry.

But then I realize how cute she is, and that makes me want to cry too. But for different reasons.

Jillian's Story- Start to finish

I’m exhausted. Despite that, I figured if I don’t write this, then soon enough I’ll completely forget- along with what day it is, where Jillian’s binky is, and the last time I actually ate or slept.

So here it is, to the best of my ability, Jillian’s birth story:

Monday July 18, 2011 Doctors Appointment:

Well it looks like we can go ahead and set up an appointment on Wednesday to get you induced! So you'll call early Wednesday morning and they'll tell you if they have room for you to come in. Last week I did have three ladies call and they weren't able to get in, just so you know.
There has to be room. I don't feel like I can do this anymore. I'm SO uncomfortable.

Tuesday July 19, 2011 Due date.

Hi! I'm just calling to let you know ahead of time that we have a pretty full schedule for tomorrow. So there's a good chance you won't be able to be induced. There are 5 rooms available for first time moms to be induced, and you're number five on the list to be called, but all of them are currently full. We'll give you a call tomorrow. If you don't hear from us by 10 am, give us a call.

Suck.

Wednesday July 20, 2011

9:23 am

Hi this is the charge nurse from Utah Valley Hospital. I'm calling to let you know that unfortunately we won't be able to fit you in today. We'll go ahead and set up an appoinment for you to come in tomorrow for a stress test to make sure that the baby is doing okay.

Super suck.

Later that day:
Well James, let's make a lot of plans tomorrow, since clearly this isn't happening anytime soon. Let's make a list:
-clean bathroom and vacuum
-call Melanie about broken light in dining room
-get my car checked
-James' eye appointment
-Stress test at 1:30
-Buy batteries and air humidifier for down stairs

Watch, now that we have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow, she'll decide to show up.
Probably.

Thursday July 21, 2011

3:23 am

Ow. …Ow. Ugghhh. Time to change positions again. Okay body, here we go. Sloooowwlllyyy rollllllll over…OW. Big belly bblleegghhh. Okay. Ahh. That’s slightly better.

3:29 am

That didn’t help. My hip hurts. Egh. Again? If these are false contractions again that’s going to suck. Are they real contractions? I dunno. What IS a real contraction? Whatever. I’m going back to sleep.

3:34 am

OOWWW. These feel like cramps. Are these different than the other night? Should I wake up James? Nah. Not yet. Let’s not get our hopes up here. Oh, should I be writing these down? Eh. We’ll see if they go away this time.

3:39 am

Cramp. Cramp. Cramp. Are these getting worse? Contractions are supposed to get worse right? They feel the same so far…And Dr. Nance said the first stage of labor can last 7-8 hours…so, I guess I have a while if they’re for real. Back to sleep.

3:45 am

Ooooo gotta sit up. I think I have to pee? Maybe. OUCH. CRAMP CRAMP CRAMP. Okay. Maybe I should start timing these things. They seem close together already. Okay here we go…45 seconds. Hmm, these are definitely longer than the other night. *Digs out a neon green pad of post-its and pen from nightstand. Why do I even have post-its in here? Oh well. I need a watch…I guess my phone will work.

3:49
3:52
3:56
4:00
4:06
4:09

Okay. These are regular…well, sort of. Regular enough I guess. Will sitting up help? No. Okay I’ll try standing. No. Walking? Slightly better. Is someone literally pinching me from the inside? No, not pinching…GNAWING ON ME with spiky metal teeth?

James. I think I’m having contractions.

Okay…are you timing them?

Yeah, they’re pretty close, like 5-6 minutes, some are 4 minutes. But I don’t really know if it’s a contraction.

Doesn’t it say in your book thing?

Oh yeah…let’s look. …. Umm, I guess it could be a contraction? It says that the first stage of labor can last for hours, so try to get comfortable. But these are already pretty close.

Well, I guess keep timing them.

Okay.

4:14
4:19
4:24
4:33
4:38
4:42
4:45
4:52

OOOO. James, these are getting pretty bad. I can’t sit down.

Should we go to the hospital?

I don’t know. What if they’re not real and they just send us home? I’ll feel so stupid. OOOWWWWWW.

Okay I think we should go to the hospital.

Okay. Go wake up my Mom and tell her.

[At this point James went into complete “go” mode.]

James, where’s my bag? I have to put my last minute stuff in there?

It’s in the car already.

Wait, what? Why? I’m not ready.

Mom: It’s okay, I’ll get it and put it in there.

I guess I should at least brush my teeth. I wanted to put on mascara at least and deodorant…I don’t care anymore- this HURTS. I need to go to the hospital NOW.

Okay. We’re in the car. I can do this. I can do this. It’s not to far. How far apart are they? Oh crap. 3 minutes. What if I have this baby in the car? Oh crap. HHOOLLYY #($*&@# that hurts! Where are we? Have my eyes been closed? Oh…okay, there’s the mall, we’re getting closer. James is driving pretty fast. Good thing it’s so early and there’s no traf…SSSHHEEESSSHHHH these are no good. Okay. Definitely not fake. Not fake. Not fake.

Should I park right here? [At the front door basically].

No, it’s okay just park in the parking garage.

Are you sure?

Yes. Just park.

Let’s leave the bags in the car until we find out for sure…I still don’t know if these are real.

Wait…why are there so many doctor’s outside? It’s like 5 in the morning? …Are they grilling? Holy cow, they’re grilling. Maybe it’s breakfast…oh well. Okay. Here we go. We’re almost there. …People have got to be looking at me…am I even wearing a bra?

[On the 5^th floor- Labor and Delivery]

The red phone. They said pick up the red phone in the prenatal class.

James, use the phone.

Hi uh…I think my wife is in labor.

Doors open.

Okay, what’s your name?
Whitney Houlin.
Birthday?
6-12-1988.
Due Date?
The 19^th.
Of…August?
July.
Oh!

Okay we’ll get you checked in and the nurse will go ahead and check you.

Finally…HURRY UP.

[In the room with lots of monitors and a mirror.]

Oh. This is THE room. As in, THE room it all goes down in.

5:15 ish

Okay Whitney, go ahead and put the gown on and I’ll check to see if you’re dilated.

Okay.
…
WHOA LADY, think you could shove your fingers up there any faster?
WHOA you’re fast at that.

Haha. Well, you’re 5cm, so you’re not going back home! We’ll get your IV hooked up and finish getting you checked in!

Oh…OH. It IS go time. Yikes. No turning back now.

Were you planning on having an epidural?

YES.

Okay, I’ll go ahead and call the anesthesiologist. I think he’s still asleep, but he needs to wake up anyway.

..What? Asleep? Doesn’t seem like he should be giving people drugs if he’s half asleep. OOOOUUUUCCCHHHH. Okay whatever, bring it on, I don’t care if he IS asleep. GIMME THE DRUGS.

[45 minutes later, epidural is in and working].

Wow. This is magical. It’s like, I was dying, and then I was not dying. Ahh sweet relief. This is awesome. I can totally do this. Why would anybody choose to go natural? Beats me.

Umm, I’m still feeling some pelvic floor pressure, is that normal?

Oh yeah, that’s normal. You should feel pressure, but not pain.

Oh, okay. Well, if that’s all I have to feel, then I’m game.

[A few minutes later]

Ok. This is really starting to hurt again. It feels like a contraction but I can only feel it in my crotch. PAAAIIIINNNNN. I don’t think this is working right.

This is REALLY starting to get uncomfortable. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I shouldn’t have to breathe like this with an epidural in…right?

Okay, I’ll go ahead and call the anesthesiologist to come check your dosage.

WOW. These hurt WORSE than the contractions I felt….Please Mr. Candy Man, come QUICKLY!!!

James: Honey, I know it hurts, but you’re squeezing my hand reeaalllyy tight.

*Glare.

Hello! I’m Dr. so and so. So you’re still feeling some pain?

Yes. A lot. Way down low.

Well, I’m going to give you a different drug than the first time that should be a little bit stronger.

Good. Do it.

[10 minutes later]

Ahh….relief again. Okay. We’re good. Aside from this catheter tube that is annoying the heck out of me, and the fact that I have the shakes like a seizure patient, we’re good.

Except for the heartbeat. Do they have to keep the microphone turned up on her heartbeat? It’s making me so nervous constantly hearing it. What if it just…stops? I should try to rest. It’s freezing in here. I can’t stop shaking.

James you should probably go get the bags in the car.
Okay.
I’ll call my mom.

Mom! Looks like we’re staying here. When she checked me I was 5cm, and the epidural is in and working and….umm…I think my water…yeah…my water just broke! Um, I’ll call you back.

This is gross…talk about a mega gush of goop.

[Nurse checks] Oh yes! Your water did break! It has a greenish tint to it, which means your baby did have a bowel movement. So I’ll call Dr. Nance and see how he wants to proceed.

Crap. That’s the one thing I was super nervous about.

So Dr. Nance said we’ll go ahead and start an amnio-flush. Where basically a tube [another tube?] is inserted and warm water is pumped in to dilute the meconium.

Okay.

Progress is made. Every hour I’m checked for dilation, and every hour I progress another centimeter.

11:00 am

9cm. Wow. 9 cm?! I don’t feel like 9cm…I feel like I’m on a cloud floating past rainbows and watching puppy dogs chase their tails.

You’re almost ready to push! You just have a teeny bit of cervix left that I bet will be gone with a few contractions.

Wow. Okay. Where does the cervix even go? It just disappears? Whatevs. Sounds good.

11:25 am

10 cm! Time to start pushing!
Oh…okay. Sure.

Next contraction, first push. Okay, I know I’m not supposed to push with my face. If I push with my face, I’m doing it wrong. I reeaallyyy don’t want to have them turn down the epidural. Here we go. PUSH.

Wow! That was a great push! I bet you’ll be having her within about 30 minutes!

Well Dr. Nance, I’d love to believe you, but you also told me at 37 weeks you thought I’d be delivering early…so I’ll believe it when I see it.

More pushing. On the third and last count to 10 I’m struggling to finish. Whew. This is intense. I feel out of breath.

Okay, well I need to run downstairs to sign some papers, and I’ll be right back.

WHAT?!

It’s okay, I can be back in two seconds. You can keep pushing with the nurse.

Holy shiz balls, is he for real???

Pushing with the nurse:

Do you want to look in the mirror?

Uhhhh, I’m not sure…I guess.

[With the mirror]

Look, can you see the top of her head?

WHOA! Also…wowzers…this looks like I’m going to be in some pain afterwards. Yikes at my lady parts.

Okay here’s another contraction, let’s push!

James is being so quiet during all of this. Where is Dr. Nance?! Shouldn’t he be back by now…

A few minutes later…finally…he’s back.

I’m going to vomit. I’m shaking uncontrollably and I want to vomit.

James, get the barf bag. Just hold it by my head. If I barf I’m just turning and going, so be ready.

Uhh, okay.

12:05 pm

Okay! Here comes the head!

Holy crap the pressure. So much pressure. Something is SQUEEZING through a very small space. Even with an epidural, this I can feel. I think someone just lit a firecracker in my vajayjay. OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO GET THIS THING OUT.

Look Whitney, open your eyes!

HOLY CRAP!!! (I literally shouted). This HUMAN BEING just came out of me! What a strange, wonderful, beautiful, freaky thing. She’s here. I did it. She’s here. And I’m not pregnant anymore!!! She’s crying, that’s a good sign. James is tearing up- that’s so cute! I’m not crying though, shouldn’t I be crying? I’m still shaking a lot. I can’t believe what I just pushed out.

James, go see her! What does she look like? [They had to immediately take her over to the side with the NICU team to be checked out because of the whole meconium situation.]

All right she looks good! She didn’t ingest any of the meconium.

Whew. That’s a BIG relief.

She’s 7lbs and 7oz and 20 inches long!

Wow. She’s small!

That’s not that small, actually.

Well, I was expecting at least an 8 pounder.

Finally, I get to hold her. She IS tiny. I’m still cold and shaking. Are my legs still wide up in the air? Oh, looks that way. He is definitely going to town on those stitches- I feel like I’m being pulled in five different directions. But she’s perfect, so it doesn’t matter.

I can’t believe this is who was inside of me for 9 months. Every jab was from those knobby little elbows. Every kick was from those skinny little feet with those itty-bitty toes. How soon can I paint her toe nails? Those ridiculously painful head butts were from this currently little misshapen head. I wonder what color hair she’ll have? I just want to study her face and memorize every little wrinkle and dimple.

Wow. James, we MADE this.
I know, we did.

And she’s perfect. And I’m so in love.

The ONLY 3 things you should say to a pregnant lady

Two blog posts in one day? I know. I'm out of control. But one, I have nothing to do during the day. I'm sitting around waiting to go into labor, which is an awful lot like watching grass grow. And two, as soon as d-day does go down, I'll probably have a lot less time (from what I hear) to do things like complain about my current state via text online. So, two blog posts in one day today.

I just found something hilarious. It's from this blog.
And I completely relate.

"Every time I stand up I swear bad swears in my head. “Great Cesar’s Ghost!” I say, only not that. I do not know who is sneaking into my house and beating my lower back with a 4” pipe, and why on earth I am not noticing during the commission, but it needs to stop. Walking is the worst joke. So is sitting. My own body is violating the Geneva Convention.

If you’ve had a baby you know the last couple weeks are physical torture. I don’t know why it’s such a surprise. You know that your insides will be squashed and pummeled. You know that your bladder will experience sudden, crushing pain. You know that staying in one position for more than 15 minutes will cause brutal debilitation and shocking torment. Yet, we still have babies, plural.

People ask how you are and you’ll smile and say, “Tired,” when the truth is that you’re in physical agony. Mostly you want people to stop asking how you are, or if you are excited about the baby, or what the baby’s name is.

How about we go with Emmie’s advice and say one of only three things:
1. You look fantastic.
2. Would you like to sit down?
3. Have a cookie.

Not on the list:
“You must be so done!”
“Hurts just looking at you!”
“Have you had that baby yet?”
“No, you cannot have Thai food.”

(Yes, I can, and it had better have at least 3 stars or you’re all fired.)"

And I'd like to add something to the "not on the list" list: "She'll come when she's ready!" Obviously. But that doesn't make me feel ANY better.
Now where's that cookie?