too fast & too soon

A few weeks ago I was reading a blog post about this mom who was emotionally distraught over her 18 month old who decided to self-wean from nursing. She went on and on about how she wasn't ready and it was too soon and she just wanted another baby so she could nurse all the time, blah blah blah.

I literally could not relate, like even a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-nursing in the "great debate" of motherhood, but my experience was way past the expected "bumps in the road" for first time moms who nurse. It wasn't the promised bonding experience I'd read about to say the least.

Anyway. I FINALLY have an experience that I can semi-relate to this mother (and probably many other moms) that say they aren't ready for something to happen in their child's life. That it happened too soon.

Jillian is officially sans binky. 
I thought I was completely okay with getting rid of that nasty little thing. So okay in fact, that two days ago I randomly snipped off the end with my kitchen scissors and handed it Jillian while thinking, "There. Take that. Hmph". By her reaction, you would have thought someone in our family had just died. First the look of confusion. Then a quivering lip. And then the real stab in the heart- a wavering, "Fix it Mama!" 

Ohhh melt. I just broke her binky! Right in front of her! I'm a terrible, terrible person. 

Nevertheless, I made a unilateral decision and stuck to my guns (even though there were two secretly stashed binkies ..and still are..just in case of any emergencies). What is usually a very fluid and easy bed time routine was rough. Like, hour-and-a-half rough.
But since then? Not. Too. Bad.

And THAT is why I'm having a hard time. 
All of the sudden she's just okay without this little piece of rubber that was previously in sight at all times? She can't grow up that fast!

 And then it was like all of the sudden I had flash forwards of the future where she'd be okay when she let my hand go and walk into her first day of school, or okay when she decided to go hang out with her friends instead of sit on my lap and beg me to read Piggie and Gerald for the fourteen millionth time. 

She's gonna grow up and she'll be okay. My state of well-being is yet to be determined in this whole process. 

I think that's why people have more babies...because they grow up just too darn fast. 

1 comment:

Leave some love.