I totally just violated that chicken...

Ever made a whole chicken? Well, "made"...cooked would be more accurate.



I saw this recipe for rosemary lemon chicken and had to try. I mean, my mom does it, how hard can it be? (Mistake number one)

So last week I buy my whole chicken. The bag split after going down the grocery runway in the checkout line and I got chicken juice over most of my produce (=not a good combo). I overlooked, got over, and sanitized that situation and got to cookin'. 

So I pull it of the fridge tonight, cut open the bag, pull out the chicken...and I think my eyes widened to the size of silver dollars. 

THERE IS STUFF INSIDE?!?!?! Not just stuff...the same stuff that is in our insides...INSIDES! You have to PULL them out of the BUTT! I begin doing that and instantly almost passed out at the sound of cracking bones. I always thought I could be a doctor or something in the medical field, because I have a pretty strong stomach. Looking at blood and guts has never bothered me...little did I know, touching them was an entirely different situation.

So I manage to scrape out the dead, cold, partially frozen chicken organs. In between my gasps and whines were things like, "Oh I think this is the heart...yeah...that's a liver...kidneys? OHMYGGAAHHH.."

I made it up to that part. Then I decide I need to rinse out the empty chicken body. Just felt right. This was BY FAR the nastiest part of the whole endeavor. I rinse out the inside and flip it over to let the water drain out (of it's butt) and the little tail flap just flapped right over my hand. I wanted to cry it was so horrible. Holding the chicken over the sink felt like holding a cold, wet baby. *Shudders

I managed to pull myself together enough to get it into the dish and stuffed with the flavor goodness (so after taking all that crap out, now I'm shoving stuff back in). 

I think I washed my hands with soap and water 25 times during this half hour.

It finally got in the oven to bake, where it stayed for quite some time. When I pulled it out and pulled out the flavoring stuff from the butt (again), I saw it's little spine all exposed and disgusting. They have vertebrae! I have those! Oh for the love...now I have to eat this?! I totally don't mean that in a PETA "save the animals" kind of way...I mean that in a THAT'S TOTALLY DISGUSTING AND REALISTIC kind of way. I'm all for eating animals, clearly. 

Well. It got eaten. It was delicious. But I don't think I'll EVER do that again. From now on it's frozen chicken boobies all the way.


  1. I think my eyes are watering from laughing so hard. You are hilarious! I remember my first turkey. I didn't realize they put the guts in a bag inside the neck cavity.... blech. Cooked it with a plastic bag and all. I steer clear of whole chickens too. Boobies are the way to go.

  2. Bahaha! This post is awesome! This is one of the best posts I've read in quite some time. You are such a great writer and an awesome cook!


Leave some love.