on being tired

It's funny how your definition of "tired" changes depending on what phase of life you're in. I guess that is true, and probably should be true, for a lot of our vocabulary- but namely the word tired.

In high school it was tiring just to...exist. The amount of emotion and drama any given girl deals with in high school is exhausting (sooo much draaaama). And then there's keeping up with after school clubs and activities on top of academics, which makes my almost 30 year-old self yawn at the memory of it. But you're younger then, so energy just metabolizes faster and is expendable.

I was tired in college- staying out late with friends or boys and then getting to an 8am class the next morning. Pulling all-nighters to (start..and..) finish papers. But then you've discovered energy drinks and which classes you can snooze through without messing up your GPA too much. 

And then there's a whole new level of tired you discover once you're a mother. The kind of tired that you feel in your bones. And you're older now- so energy doesn't naturally produce itself as easily as it once did (and not even synthetically if you're breastfeeding...freakin' caffeine limitations...). And you might even argue that it's actually way more important to be at the top of your mental game in the motherhood stage of life- even more so than required in college. I mean, we're talking about keeping people alive here. And preferably not just alive, preferably thriving.

I'm trying to adjust to my new "normal;" my new level of constant exhaustion that comes with having three young kids, one of them being a newborn. I mean, I can barely form a cohesive sentence when talking to another adult. If we've had a conversation recently, you and I, there's a 75% chance I've zoned out entirely to what you're saying solely because my brain is functioning at roughly half the level it did pre-newborn.

But every day is a little easier. Well, sometimes it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back sorta deal, but we're heading in the right direction!

 Sheesh. 

Mommin' ain't easy. 

Worth it though. So freaking worth it.